My notes on officiating a wedding

A few years ago I officiated my best friend’s wedding. I shared these notes with a few other officiants-to-be who found them useful:

1. Ask the couple to send a few officiant speeches they’ve liked, if they can.

2. Talk with the couple together to go over the overall vibe they want:

   1. How long do they want it?

   2. Are there things they definitely want included (e.g. specific shoutouts or stories) or excluded?

   3. What do they want for the ending (e.g. will they write their own vows? Will they be exchanging rings?)

3. Talk separately with the bride and groom to get material to use. Take lots of notes. I spoke to each of them for about an hour. Topics I asked about:

   1. How they met, what they remember from the first dates

   2. Things they appreciate about their partner, ways they feel their partner complements them, and ways their partner has helped them grow

   3. Messes they’ve gotten into together

   4. How they know the other one was the one

4. Talk to or email the parents to get some stories about them as kids. What were they like? Any fun stories the parents want to throw in?

   1. (Optional if you need more content) email a few of their closest friends asking for favorite stories about the couple.

5. Write the speech. My outline:

   1. Intro: ask people to sit down, thank guests for being here, shoutouts to people that couldn’t make it, etc

   2. About the bride

   3. About the groom

   4. How they met, early days of the relationship

   5. How the relationship has grown so far

   6. Vows

6. Get it edited by at least one other person. Say it out loud many times to make sure you like the way it sounds and flows, don’t just read it silently.

7. Send separate copies to the bride and groom for review. In each copy, redact the parts that are things the other person said about the reviewing partner (to keep a bit of surprise on the actual day).

8. If the couple has written their own vows, ask for copies:

   1. Make sure their vows are on the same wavelength. E.g. if one is super lighthearted and short, and the other one is sincere and long, give them a heads up.

   2. If they reference the same anecdotes in their vows as your speech, remove them from your speech.

   3. Print out their vows for the day, in case they forget them.

9. Consider getting a binder (e.g. choral folders) to hold the speech on the big day. It looks better and it’s easier to flip pages.